What I really wanted to capture in that moment was someone who was fine with it and not dwelling on it, but in telling the story was surprised that there were still feelings there because it is unresolved. Riley is the most comfortable with herself and really has processed that experience, has moved past it. It was interesting when talking to Aubrey about what we were really going for. So it feels very real, and Aubrey does such a beautiful job telling that story. That’s before the part of your brain that can experience empathy even has formed. And that’s the thing: I know we’re hearing this story in real time in the movie, but that’s something that happened 16 years ago. Especially someone who was 16 years old going through that. Yeah, it is messy, and she does do things that are unlikable, but she is a good person who is in a place of extreme fear, and to not gloss over that. I think there are a lot of awful things that come out of that, and self-love is sometimes so hard to achieve. You feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with you, and you will do anything you can to deny it. I have definitely wrestled with it, and so many people I know have wrestled with acting out at other people because you don’t want to be found out. What a privilege to think that it’s not an issue.ĭuVall: S elf-loathing and internalized homophobia is a very real thing. The last four years have taught us that, but it’s also something you don’t think about because you think we’re so past it, or you live in New York or you live in Los Angeles and you’re like, “Is that still an issue? People still care about that?” And it’s like, yeah. I am so comfortable and well-adjusted and thrilled that I’m gay - couldn’t be happier! - and yet, there are still those moments where you don’t feel entirely safe expressing yourself in that way because our world is not as accepting as we would like to think. It is an interesting thing that happens to us. Walking down the street in a more conservative state or city with my partner and not holding hands or not standing too close. Whether it’s being in an Uber and someone asking you if you have a husband and just saying “yeah” because it’s easier than being like, “No, actually I have a wife.” You don’t want to come out to the Uber driver. It’s a very subtle thing that can happen, and obviously this is an extreme version of it because it’s a movie. Being a queer person is really interesting because - at least I can speak for myself - I have surprised myself in the moments where I have chosen to put myself back in the closet.
It’s 10 months later that they get engaged.
#Happiest season movie
Even though the movie ends in a happy way and we cut to a year later, what I always envision is the time in between when they’re really dealing with that, because it’s not like they come home and they get engaged right away. She deserves to be loved, and she’s willing to do the work to get it back.
Then, at the end of that, she can come out the other side of it and make a different choice and use it as an opportunity to grow and better herself. And especially with Harper, we’re meeting her on the worst four days of her life, where she’s hitting bottom and we are watching it, and that is messy and that is uncomfortable. The last truly happy ending I can think of is “ But I’m a Cheerleader ,” and that was 20 years ago. That’s all I can think of when I think of queer movies. It was very important at the end of the journey for it to be a success, to have just a straight-up happy ending because I think LGBTQ films are riddled with bittersweet endings. We always wanted there to be a happy ending for Abby and Harper.
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